Saturday, October 26, 2013

Events of the Psyche

 in which I aim to make clearer what brews within the recesses of my psyche

Up to now my blog posting has been inspired by my story, art and events and I have tried to make them aesthetically presentable from the material that was available to me.  The darker areas of my psyche inspire this one and throw up questions rather than promote my accomplishments. 10 days ago I torn a ligament in my right shoulder and bruised my right arm heavily. Any movement I do is quite uncomfortable, very awkward and potentially painful. Sleeping especially is difficult. Compared to many people's suffering, this is no big deal, but nevertheless it makes me think.

From Carl Jung's Red Book

Carl Jung divides the Psyche into three parts, the conscious mind or ego, the personal unconscious, which is everything not presently conscious and the collective unconscious which can be called our psychic inheritance and which is made up of archetypes. So, which controls our daily life? An ever shifting fluid combination of all of these elements, and if we ever think that we are in complete control of our actions, we have another thing coming at any moment. Jung also suggests that enlightenment is not just following a bright light (master, religion, etc), but shining a light to the darkness at the bottom of our soul. I think that a combination of following the light and shining light onto the darkness might be the ticket.

Halloween reveler in Chinatown

A few days ago my friend Vanessa Massey posted this on face book:

There is no karma, just habits of thoughts:
"When you begin to understand that which is like unto itself is drawn, then it is easier and easier to understand that you are offering a signal, and the entire Universe responds. And when you finally get that, and you begin to exercise some deliberate control about the signal that you offer, then it really begins to be fun, because then you recognize that nothing happens outside of your creative control. There are no things that happen by chance or by circumstance. There is nothing that is happening because of something you vibrated a long time ago or in a past life. It is not about what you were born into. It is only about what you are, right now, in this red hot fresh moment emitting."

Shortly after sunrise on a recent morning.

There might not be a lasting karma, but if we don’t clear past traumas, resentments then they continue to muddle around in our subconscious and are still part of our present vibrational make up. I don’t believe in accidents and I do believe that I create my experiences. I aim to take responsibility for my experiences. One of the biggest realizations for me has been to give up blaming others for how I feel. Ultimately I also have to give up blaming myself. This might be the harder one even.

Silk scarf by Caty Monnier

For a long time I have watched certain patterns in my life. Whenever I go through a rough time and deep lying conflicts act out in my psyche they come to the surface with a bang, if they are not addressed and cleared. In my case, this typically leads to a so-called accident often including a broken bone. I can follow this all the way back to my 6 year old self, and other events at 14 years, 20, 31, 37, 41, 59 and the most recent about 10 days ago. The damages include a concussion, broken arm, damaged foot, smashed elbow, dislocated shoulder, broken clavicle, and finally torn ligament in my right shoulder. I have wires in my elbow and rods going down my forearm. Somehow the big Dieter is not fully taking care and is not fully accepting of the little dieter inside. 

Re-Make/Re-Model. The Beatles Rubber Soul
Before my last event I was going through a very rough patch that led to my ego suggesting that I have failed in major areas of my life, that society generally accepts as essential. 
Throughout most of my life I have not given much of a hoot about what society thought of me and reveled in the outsider and rebel status. Yet, in recent years I have consciously worked on breaking down barriers that I had build between me and rest of the world, or certain parts of it. 

unfinished oil on linen - detail - dieter runge
What I mean is that I no longer aim to see myself as a member of an outsider group or a cultural or political avant-garde, a hipster who is better or ahead, but another human being who exists with the same struggles and is really no different than anyone else. I subscribe to the Mayan saying that, ‘I am another you.’ Besides my daily practice, obvious progress, and the overall feeling of being more at one with my true Self, I realize that up to now I have not been able to clear deep seated issues of my psyche, that seem to cook up a dark soup whenever things get a bit rough and spill over with an element of violence like a pressure cooker when I am stuck.

small study in oil -  dieter runge - 2013

How can I prevent this from happening? How can I truly evolve and accept this tar pit as my friend Angelica Wheis put it, who had a near fatal car accident recently. She suggests that we learn to swim in the tar pits, a beautiful metaphor that hints at the potential danger, like falling into sliding sands. Shining light on the tar pit has to be followed by acceptance and ultimately forgiveness. Often we might be able to forgive others for a something they have ‘done’ to us, but can we truly forgive our selves?
This seems to be the real difficulty. Besides trying to make things clearer to my self, I aim at starting a conversation. Let me know what you think.

No comments: